The first time I tried Marichyasana A (http://www.yogajournal.com/pose/pose-dedicated-to-the-sage-marichi-i/), the teacher whispered in my ear that this is when students quit Ashtanga yoga. I cracked a smile. Please. I used to walk a mile in 90 degree heat to teach an English class that no one showed up to for 3 months. If this teacher thought a yoga pose was such a hit to my ego that I would quit, then we obviously never officially met. If you have read anything of my time in Peace Corps Morocco (http://thebookofcia.blogspot.com) then you know I have very little dignity left.
A combination of my t-rex arms and shoulders wound tight by the stress of managing a yoga studio make binding postures at this time highly improbable. I have been doing morning Mysore now for almost a year and the bind is still elusive to me. But what is great about yoga is I have lifetimes and lifetimes to accomplish a pose, so I am not too worried. If I don't get it in this lifetime, maybe the next one? Plus, I am so used to putting all my stress and anxiety in my shoulders and lower back, if it was no longer there, WHAT WOULD I DO with all this newfound freedom and ease!? I CAN'T LET GO OF MY SUFFERING!!
I felt so witty when I made this quip to my yoga teacher after he asked me to release the tension in my shoulders. But as he walked away to assist the next student, it began to settle just how absurd my life is right now. I am so easily caught up in the annoying email, answering the same question over and over again, and seemingly endless work that comes from trying to make something work and grow given the inherent fear of change that we all posse. I have been so stuck in the mud that I have lost site of the grace and awe around me. I teach yoga for living and wear yoga pants EVERY DAY. Honestly, WHAT MORE COULD I WANT OUT OF LIFE?! I am so stuck holding onto my suffering and the tension in my shoulders, that I fail to see what could be possible if it was no longer there...
I leave today for Mysore, India where I will study yoga for two weeks under Saraswati, the daughter of K. Pattabhi Jois founder of modern day Ashtanga Yoga. A truly profound beginning to my Year of Awe. I could be doing Sun A sand Bs for two weeks strait, or I could do a little more. Who really knows...yet I hope that the next two weeks will bring a "feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear and wonder," which is bound to be entertaining in one way or another for you and me both ;)
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